My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.
Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.
"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.
He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.
My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?
And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.
Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"
He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response.
I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....
My dear,
"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.."
This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.
You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.
You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.
You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.
You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...
Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. "
"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...
I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....
Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.
"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.
He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.
My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?
And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.
Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"
He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response.
I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....
My dear,
"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.."
This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.
You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.
You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.
You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.
You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...
Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. "
"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...
I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....
Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...
That's life, and love.
That's life, and love.
56 comments:
hi
ur thoughts r really cool
wonderful ..
that is truly beautiful and so touching that your loving,amazing husband did that for you ! You need to consider yourself very blessed,you need to lay with that man and tell him that he is very unique & loving !
This is beautiful, though I doubt it could be true. Romance like this only happens in stories, at least in my world.
Finally a woman got it right
Boo, Hoo! Poor little baby found someone to love and she's STILL not happy! Fucking women! Just because someone doesn't get all mushy and/or romantic, doesn't mean a god-damn thing! If you want a MAN to get all emotional and be sensitive to your needs, find a Homosexual man! My fucking GOD! All women can't be this unrealistic in their ideals.... If I was a woman-beater, I'd smack the shit out of you for being stupid! Boo-fucking-hoo!
Cool story, and all, but don't you think you are a little selfish ( and i don't mean man against women kind of way). I'm tired of seening people expecting something to happen 2 them from someone else. If you wan't romance with your partner create it. You make a romantic gesture if he likes it he will follow you and return the favor. If not find someone else. Life is awesome either way :).
What animosity in the replies you've received...
I stumbled upon this and absolutely loved what you had to say, especially when I am encountering similar emotions in my own relationship.
Often times people don't realize how important romance is to keep a couple alive. It only saddens me that it had to come down to divorce before you said anything to him.
by yearning for the romantic moments we can sometimes loose out on the one we are experiencing. Even though I whole heartedly agree sometimes what we are looking for is right in front of us...I would say that is very touching but don't forget this happened in a year or two and demand it happen again.
love is whole when we can love others as we do ourselves.
So if he hadn't written a nice note and brought some milk and bread she would have divorced him?
This lady is quite superficial, or maybe just stupid.
wow
awesome story. shows that everybody has feelings even if you do a good job of hiding them...
That was great
I would have packed up my stuff and been out the next day. The fact that she goes straight to divorce instead of trying to express her concerns means she's really not that into the relationship anyway.
I have been through a very similar situation but the difference is that I learned to love myself enough that I can put up with these circumstances and not let them bother me. I fill my days with activities that make ME happy and I stopped being so codependent on how another person makes me feel. After all we are responsible for our own emotions and should not blame anyone else for how we feel. Nobody should be able to control us like that. Love is unconditional it's not just walking out the door or getting a divorce because things don't go our way. Marriage has been and always will be 4 EVER a sacred vow between 2 people "till death do us part" unfortunately for many noadays marriage is just a joke. How sad!! It is so wonderful to stay and fight and then enjoy the fruits of our labor.
How sad when a feeling or emotion allows us to decide we no longer want that person. We are not going to find what we want in another person, either, because the truth is that happiness lies within us and nobody can take that away from us unless we allow them to. I made this mistake twice and now I am married again but experience has taught me that my I dont need my husband to constantly sweet talk or hold my hand I am a loving but independent woman who doens't need to be babysat or constantly reminded of how much he loves me.
"I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!"
Right. Definitely viable reason for divorce. Also, there were the broad shoulders.
Your hubby is clever, persistent, poetic and has a well paid job. I reckon he'll be leaving you quite soon for someone who can appreciate his qualities, rather than some spoiled cow who's proud of her shallowness.
Grow up. Life is not some sort of fairy tale, you are not a princess, and and constant desire for mawkish "romance" is the hallmark of an emotionally immature person.
this woman is an idiot. get divorced and go die alone. you'll never be happy.
very manipulative. If you have to do all of this to have a man answer the way you want them to answer, you call that love?
Sorry I call that a wife who is indeed missing something exciting, maybe that "spark" that makes everything more interesting but the way you got that spark from your man wasn't right.
Beautiful story!
Thank you... Your blog has helped me.
That made my eyes tear up. What a great story.
How old are you? 15? Basically, what you said is that you got bored and hubby better do something about it or you'll leave. Hm. What do you do for your husband, to balance out the relationship? Oddly, that note sounds like something one of you found on the net, and either you copied it to your blog--or your huband copied it for you to find. Either way, if you read the note closely, one can see that it actually describes a female who is childish and irresponsible and needs a lot of looking after. Your threat to leave worked this time, but romance is give-and-take, not take-and-give-ultimatums. Next time you try it, it may not work.
jeana
hi.
You're a twat.
you selfish slut. he should leave you for you testing him and you being an unfaithful broad.
I'd be out the door in a flash. Selfish, manipulative childish. To be honest, a bit scary.
If you need to control your husband in that way, your relationship wont last long.
Wierdo.
I don't like her. She does not deserve his love.
Well, it turns out this is not an original blog post. This entry was not written by this blogger. He or she is merely passing it along. It's a lousy story in the first place, yet it's all over the net. By the way, some versions take liberties with their paraphrasing.
If you type "I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk" into a search box, you will come up with a lot of versions.
jeana
You are a pathetic manipulative bitch. He should have divorced YOU!
Really touching.
That was really amazing...I am an engineer myself, and Just from a mans point of view...wow. btw, you have been stumbled upon...
Ahem....needy bitch.
AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So let me get this straight. You love that flower on the cliff, even though you haven't touched it or smelled it, and you love your husband less then that flower even though he's been
with you for 5 years. You would want your husband to die to pick that flower? If he died whilst picking the flower you do realize that the flower would be gone too? That you'd have nothing. If this was a true story, you don't deserve your husband.
Hey,
What you described referring to his lack of romance in your life is common. I've heard it described alot, and I've read a great book about how to fix that and other problems that will change your relationship entirely. It's called 'The Five Love Languages' or something to that effect. It's by someone named Gary Chapman. I've understood the concept of the five love languages for a while, but once we read the book, my girlfriend and my relationship got way better and we both understood eachother much better. I highly recommend it.
You were going to leave a wonderful man because you were bored?!!
WTF is wrong with people anymore!?
Stupid ass!
this is an interesting and somewhat charming sentiment in spots. Its sad that people have such difficulty with the notion of unconditional love..."convince me that you would die for me based on a whim?...because i'm bored with this relationship"..seems a bit morbidly self indulgent. Though it is nice that some perspective was gained at the end of the day....perhaps try BEING the person you expect others to be for you.
Well, that is indeed life. But you make life the way you want it. You are the only one responsible for your life, so you need to take it into your own hands. I am only 22, but I already know, I never want to just "settle" with something/someone. That is only a waste of your life. :( Your husband sounds like a good guy, but not exciting.
Fuck it all, no regrets. Take life by the horns. Go skydiving with your husband, be alive.
- Thierry
How very sweet, this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for that.
U sucked in the beginning if u had to ask such a loving husband such a nonsense question.
Value what you have before you end up on ur flat buttocks.
Dear MSK.
It was so refreshing reading your article /////specially the lines....sounded so close to me ....
" You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs."
You were too Good
Sharad
And here's one more he forgot-If it meant only losing my dick-I'd do it in a second, because if I stay married to you after that bullshit request-you'd have it anyway!
don't believe you
That is a really evil and extremely selfish thing to to to your husband. You are a horrible person for doing that to him.
You are rather cruel and selfish. He deserves much better. You should do him the favour of leaving so he can find someone worth his effort.
man.. ur all assholes.
like nobody in the world has ever felt neglected, and the loss of a spark in a relationship. people [not just women] like romance cuz its an expression of love, and yea sometimes you need to be shown. and for all u douches who think its a bad quality of women for wanting romance, why not pick up a bouquet and quit your bitching. its not that hard to know what women want or need, seriously, theyre called movies? where do you think women get these romantic ideas from? she just expected more from an engineer.
Whomever anonymous is it strikes me as the worst sort or etiquette to say something like "man.. ur all assholes." If you are going to open flame wars for honest comments you really should not waste other people's time posting comment as annonymous. Take the credit take the blame but at least stand up for your opinions.
I think the " Life and Love" entry indicates a person who would torment others for not taking the time to understand her place in her own relationship. At least she may have grown up a bit. She is at best naive and at worst negligent towards others. I have stared my opinion. The owner of the blog may not like it, but posting rude comments under anonymous is not really unacceptable.
your husband needs a good kicking
Sad as this may sound but what he wrote to you gave me goosebumps!
Hope y'all make each other happy for many years to come! =)
About three years ago, my wife came to me under very similar circumstances. When she asked for a divorce, I had no idea we were in trouble. She had held in her feelings for a year. I asked what I could do to save our relationship. She said, "Nothing." We talked and talked, but she was firm is her decision. So, the next morning, I left our house and never looked back. I left everything I had worked seven years to achieve. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
That experience has taught me many things about myself and relationships. The three lessons that I learned that stood out when I read this post --
1. Life can be harsh, cruel, and cold. It can be beautiful, warm, and wonderful. You make your life. Relying on someone else (even a husband or wife) for your happiness is lying to yourself and them.
2. If your man/woman presents you with an ultimatum, the relationship is dying if not dead. Love and extortion are mutually exclusive.
3. "Some things are best left unsaid" is the worst adage in the history of the English language. SPEAKING and LISTENING create and grow relationships. Do these two little things daily and you can avoid a lot of grief in your life.
And to the original poster, as an engineer, I can tell you they are creative people as well. If you had asked for something romantic before all this, you probably would have been surprised by how original and thoughtful a gesture you would have gotten.
really people, i think it's just a story conjured up to illustrate better how we aren't always shown love and romance in the perhaps superficial and direct ways in which we could be looking for them. how granted, were i the guy, i'd have thought more along the lines of "bye" since even being able to say the word "divorce" means it is over, but i think the lesson to be learned from the story is a good one. open your eyes and your heart and realize what the little things people do for you every day really mean.
to the writer -
this better be a made-up story. if this is real, and you're the woman in it, then nobody should respect you. any woman who depended that much on someone should realize what they have.
but any woman who's that easily swayed from wanting a divorce to not wanting one shouldn't be married. so pick the middle ground and PLEASE don't breed.
it is a made up story..
Look up the term metaphor.
geesh, people need to get a life
I found the story beautiful. Ignore all the jerks responding to it. It was really touching.
yoos a psychotic bitch.
It is an sweet story, but I disagree with the way you made you decision whether or not to divorce your husband. You left the future of your marriage completely up to your husband's response to a symbolic question. This is a ridiculous way to determine the fate of such an important and long-lasting relationship. If you were at the point of getting a divorce, one answer should not be the only reason for reestablishing your love. Furthermore, what about his feelings in the marriage? Maybe you both love each other, but he is the only one who has to prove it. I don't believe you truly love your husband. Love is a selfless feeling, and making someone prove that/how they love you is a very selfish act.
heard this one before, should show sources
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